What Do You Mean No Cup? It’s Been Almost a Week!

Well, the sickening and clumsy Maple Leaf courtship of Brian Burke is over. The worst kept secret in hockey (okay, second worst. The fact that Gary Bettman is a fucking joke is the worst kept secret.) has finally come out of the closet, and now Leaf fans and Toronto media are hailing Burke’s signing as the second coming of Christ, which is kind of funny considering they’ve just experienced the second coming of Cliff Fletcher.

And now what? It’s true to say Brian Burke has largely been successful for the majority of his career. I’ll skip over his time in Hartford (I still love you Whalers!) to the Canucks, whom he resurrected from the depths of shite, and on to the Ducks, where he inherited a nice young roster, added 2 key lynchpins (Pronger and Niedermayer) and won a Cup. That he has somewhat mangled the Ducks roster and salary cap since then is probably irrelevant to Leafs fans, who finally have a respectable hockey guy running the show after enduring the JFJ reign of suck.

The Burke era will not be boring. For starters, he’s a belligerent bully fuck who is self-righteous and indignant when challenged by others (like Kevin Lowe, or even Al Strachan for Christ’s sake). On top of that, he has lots of caps space to play with, the green light to tear the franchise apart in order to rebuild it, and a 6 year contract that allows him the freedom and confidence to do anything he wants, including sodomizing Tomas Kaberle should he see fit. I suspect Burke will restock the farm, and try to stockpile some talent at both the minor league and NHL level. The Leafs are scrappy and hard-working, but clearly lack the talent to realistically compete for a playoff spot over the long NHL season. While Fletcher cleared out some of the deadwood, I think the yard sale will continue.

Will the Leafs win a Cup? If history is any indication, probably not. The Stanley Cup is the hardest championship to win in professional sports, and I suspect there won’t be any Chris Pronger’s falling into Burke’s lap this time (did I mention that was a BRUTAL trade for the Oilers?). At they very least, the Leafs will have an actual plan for the first time in years, and will likely be consistently competitive after some early growing pains. If you’re a Leafs fan, that’s probably a good start; hell, I’m an Oilers fan, and I’d settle for competitive. My team licks pouch.