Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Team Wish List

Here is a list of things that might appear on each teams letter to Santa:

Anaheim-for a bad case of VD to hit Brain Burke as payment for the shit storm he left when he departed for the Big Smoke.

Atlanta-someone to play with Ilya Kovalchuk.

Boston-the return of Cam Neely to put them over the hump for a cup.

Buffalo-another RFA offer sheet this off season from the Oilers to ensure they don’t lose their best players to other markets in the future.

Calgary-for Iggy to develop a more marketable persona…like the Blue Blazer (at least according to Sean Avery) and for Dion Phaneuf to move on to the sloppy seconds of Mark Messier, and A-rod. Isn’t Madonna old enough to be his Mom?

Chicago-more games against the Edmonton Oilers and a flavored mouth guard for Caine so he keeps it in his mouth.

Carolina-a firecracker to stick up Staal’s ass or maybe that will be Paul Maurice.

Columbus-for someone to find Leclaire’s mojo.

Colorado-a snow blower safety manual for Sakic.

Dallas-I think we all know….for Ed Belfour to return as his asshole antics pale in comparison to Avery.

Detroit-do they need anything? An economic stimulus package to help their fans afford tickets.

Edmonton-a true first line centre to play with Hemsky.

Florida-free BJ for Jay-bo so he wants to stay.

Los Angeles-a tender to back stop their youth.

Minnesota-entertaining hockey

Montreal-smoked meat.

Nashville-for Radulov to come crawling back.

New Jersey-speedy return for Brodeur to ensure he breaks all of Roy’s records.

New York Islanders-a return to the Captain High Liner jersey logo so they can have a fish and chip promo night.

New York Rangers-an end to the Sundin saga.

Ottawa-an attitude adjustment.

Philadelphia-a great big hell ya that Clarke is nothing more than figure head, and has stopped fucking up their cup chances with bad trades, and crappy free agent signings.

Phoenix-for the Great One to see the light.

Pittsburgh-for Crosby and Malkin to become the next decade long one two punch that rivals the likes of Gretzky/Messier or Lemieux/Jagr.

San Jose- for Joe Thornton to play up to his full potential in playoffs.

St. Louis-to stop trading for Toronto’s spare parts.

Tampa Bay-more forwards and fewer quality d-men as they could do a much better job of supplying teams in Europe with their over paid signings.

Toronto-a goalie with a save % at least in the top 30.

Vancouver-enough pads and pons for the Sedin sister as they mature, and a real GM.

Washington-for the cap to go up so they can keep their team together.

Merry X-mas,

The Hac


Anonymous said...

J-Me sent me the link to your blog.
JB, I don't enjoy or even watch hockey...although it's always on at our house but your hockey blog is WAY amusing! Keep up the good ranting!

Hockeysmack said...

THanks Chrissy... I also read your blog, which was filled with shits and giggles. Please keep up the good work!