Thursday, December 4, 2008

Sean Avery - Tool or Douchebag?

Jackass. Loser. Asshole. All words that could apply to current Dallas Star and future contract without a home Sean Avery, whose quest to make himself the most famous 3rd line player in NHL history hit fever pitch with a saucy reference to his ex-girlfriends, one of whom just happens to be dating Calgary Flame d-man Dion Phaneuf. Am I offended by the comment? Hell no. If you’ve read this blog, it should be clear language does not bother me, and frankly, I’ve heard and said things far more offensive. What does bother me though is brain dead fuck-tools who think they are bigger than their teammates and organization. In this respect, Avery’s comment finally snapped the bullshit threshold. Big surprise.

So, what now. His teammates clearly hate this fucking douchebag, perhaps even more than his ex-girlfriends. Coach Dave Tippett wants nothing to do with him. GM Brett Hull is angry and looks like a jackass for signing him in the first place( incidentally, this 4 year, $16 million contract is one of the worst in league history. Even if Avery didn’t melt down, he’s a third line player! What the fuck?). Owner Tom Hicks is ashamed. If Avery is somehow cut, he’s going to find it very difficult to find a new gig; teams should be wary of a marginal player who destroys team chemistry, is obsessed with self-promotion, and has a knack for going “full-retard” with no warning signs.

The irritating aspect of this cock-knocker’s career is that he is clearly striving for a fame that his talent doesn’t allow for. Sean Avery has been vastly overrated as a hockey player. Left to his abilities, he would be another faceless NHL pro: loved by local hockey fans, but ignored by the vast majority of the population. Not satisfied with this, he’s trying to create a Sean Avery image or character, which apparently is meant to signify stupidity, arrogance, and selfishness. Avery fails to realize he is nobody without hockey; the only thing that makes him remotely interesting is his job. The rest is bullshit. Where’s Dennis Rodman now? Who knows? As soon as got bounced out of the NBA, he stopped being interesting in most every way. We don’t need a magic 8-ball to figure out where the road leads for Avery.

In summary, it wouldn’t bother me if this fucking jag-off never played in the NHL again. He contributes nothing, destroys his team and embarrasses the NHL, and is generally an attention-seeking loser. In short, he is the reality TV show of the NHL; base, obvious, and ultimately totally forgettable.



Anonymous said...

I'd still take his sloppy seconds. That chick is fucking hot! Plus you could brag to your buddies that you nail a chick that nail a professional athlete.

Hockeysmack said...

Yes, indeed. However, I would refer to her as "that hot chick from 24" or "that hot chick from Old School." Bragging about nailing a chick who's nailed a pro athlete is tantamount to telling your buddies you might have a very potent STD. Such things are usually kept personal.