Todd Bertuzzi – Destroyer of Franchises Part II

3) 2007 Free Agency – Todd Bertuzzi is signed by the Anaheim Ducks to a 2-year, $8 million dollar contract

Well, this makes sense. The Ducks were:

a) a championship team with young star restricted free agents needing to be resigned with the team pressed tight against the cap
b) hampered by selfish and painfully slow retirement deliberations by the team’s two biggest stars and leaders (Niedermayer, Selanne), who both acted like a dinner date unable to decide on an entrée

The obvious solution to these problems: Todd Fucking Bertuzzi!!! Reason to sign him: he and Brian Burke shared the same tailor in Vancouver. Reasons not to sign him: 5 years of declining production, ongoing Moore-related lawsuits, and a lengthy injury history. The result: 14 goals and 40 points, a milk carton “performance” in the playoffs, and a humiliating 1st round upset at the hands of the Dallas Stars. Furthermore, this ridiculous contract led to the poaching of Dustin Penner by the Edmonton Oilers and Brian Burke’s year-long jilted girlfriend-esque bitching and moaning. The best part of this entire fiasco is Anaheim buying out the last year of Bertuzzi’s contract, meaning that Brian Burke and I are finally of the same mind about something: Todd Bertuzzi is such a detriment to a team’s on-ice performance, it is better to pay him not to play than to have him return. Good call Burkie, you egotistical, self-important douchebag.

4) Free agency – 2008 – Todd Bertuzzi is signed by the Calgary Flames to a 1-year, $1.95 million contract.

I’m no Dionne Warwick, but I can take a wild guess as to how this will turn out: poor performance, Bertuzzi and Flames coach Mike Keenan going all Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards on each other, Flames fans turning on Bertuzzi like Shaquille O’Neal on an ex-girlfriend, and an inglorious exit at the end of the season where Bertuzzi will deflect blame, much as he did at the press conference where the Flames introduced him (he deftly passed the buck by questioning how he was used as a Duck, rather than be honest about his own sub-par performance). Good times. Let it be said Darryl Sutter is not afraid to stir together a chilli pot that might have diarrhoea-like results.

After this, who knows? Bertuzzi is arguably the most unlikeable player in the NHL, given his history of vile actions, poor play, and inability to take responsibility for both. I suspect this might be the end of the road for Bertuzzi, and that he would have been better served going somewhere where hockey is a small blip in the local sports market. Calgary is a hockey city, and when Bertuzzi struggles, he will hear about it. Loudly. Frankly, I wonder if the Flames wouldn’t have been better off signing Glen Murray or Mark Parrish instead. The funny thing is, the Flames are still over the cap, meaning a loyal solider like Rhett Warrener will get sent to the minors to make room for Big Bert. Nothing like eating up a character guy’s roster spot to let fans and teammates know you’ve arrived. Let the Bertuzzi era in Calgary begin!

JB