5 Most Boring To Watch

Last week I took a gander at the 5 teams I would be most likely to make time to watch. Now it’s time for the Bizarro-exciting, or in other words, the teams I would rather fuck a hole in the ground than watch. The teams o’ suck are:

1) Minnesota Wild – With the NHL’s division-heavy schedule, I have had the misfortune of watching way too many Wild-Oilers games the last few years. Even with a talent like Marion Gaborik, watching the Wild rates at roughly a three on my finger list, meaning I would rather cut off three of my fingers than watch a Wild game. Merci Monsieur Lemaire.

2) New Jersey Devils – In the 1990s, the Stanley Cup championship of the New York Rangers, coupled with the 1st retirement of Micahel Jordan, led the NHL to a close rivalry in terms of popularity in the U.S. with the NBA. The NHL was fortunate enough to follow that exciting Rangers championship the next year with the crowning double achievement of a season-shortening lockout and a New Jersey Devils Stanley Cup win. This win started a long (and existing) tradition of talent short teams using a neutral-zone trap system to compete, which turned the fastest team sport in the world into a product that turned fans away in droves. On second thought, maybe the lockout was preferable. Anyways, the Devils still suck salty balls to watch, so they make the list.

3) Vancouver Canucks – Poor Roberto Luongo. Poor Mike Gillis, who appears terribly overmatched as a GM. Poor Canucks fans, recharged in the flawed but entertaining Burke/Crawford era, only to be stuck with the current fiasco. A Canucks game is good for three things: great goaltending, no scoring, and a bunch of pussies who are afraid to fight. Enjoy!

4) Boston Bruins – Led by Claude Julien, the Bruins play a trap system, like the Wild and Devils. While arguably more talented than the above two, I think I would find a Roseanne Barr/Tom Arnold sex tape more entertaining than a string of B’s games.

5) New York Islanders – This is more of a hunch, as they have a new coach and a very young roster. I just have a feeling that this team is going to getting their lunch served to them on a regular basis this season. The charm of a 6-2 score wears thin when it shows up in a quarter of the games.

JB