HockeySmack Is Not Dead... and snapshots

With life catching up with us here at HockeySmack, we’ve clearly been a wee bit negligent in keeping up our work here. Well, we’re going to try to keep on trucking with more frequent takes on shit going down in the world of hockey. So, here are some rapid takes on the first month of the season:

TB Lightning: Not off to a flying start. Their combination of personnel moves and coaching hire (The Mullet) leaves you wondering if important decisions are made in consultation with a couple of 8-balls of cocaine, a few bottles of Scotch and some high-priced escorts. The Matt Carle trade is just the latest “What the fuck?!?” moment since the Lightning “braintrust” started calling the shots. The results are just a wee bit confusing to say the least. Come on now Lightning ownership: focus!

Minnesota Wild: Good start. I would still rather have a three-way with any two of the Golden Girls than watch a Wild game though.

Denis Savard – Shitcanned after 4 games. Huh? Well, you’ll always have the spinarama Denis!

Edmonton Oilers – More inconsistent than Tori Spelling’s physical appearance in Beverly Hills 90210, the Oil have been all over the road in just about every facet of their game. The Kid Line is suffering a collective sophomore slump, and the goaltending has been more bad than good. I see a Kari Lehtonen trade in my crystal ball…

Detroit Red Wings– Way good. Look out Western Conference.

Florida Panthers – Still brutal. Still likely to trade Bouwmeester. Nice to see progress. Can we not have a team in Miami please?

Todd Bertuzzi – On pace to be -40. Great pick up. The Flames appear to be more up and down than a pregnant woman’s mood swings. Looks like Alberta hockey fans are in for a roller coaster ride this season.

CBC – Not feeling the new song, and really hating Mike Milbury. How the fuck can arguably the worst GM in NHL history have any credibility as an analyst? Compound that with the stammering and clueless PJ Stock, and even the animatronic robot pretending to be the long dead Don Cherry seems informed in comparison.
Note: Seeing Don Cherry in high def is really weird. He wears more make-up than Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls, and looks like he could pass as the Ghost of Christmas Future. Please retire Grapes!

Eklund: An E4 on Eklund remaining totally full of shit.